


1, 2, 3, 4

by xxxintothedarknessxxx



Series: Count us in [1]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: American Sign Language, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 07:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11203563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxintothedarknessxxx/pseuds/xxxintothedarknessxxx
Summary: Spencer's job is to count them in.





	1, 2, 3, 4

So this was it. The first night of the tour off 'Pretty. Odd'. Spencer hadn't been so nervous since the first show they did after being signed to Pete Wentz's record label. What? He was 16 and that guy was their idol. One of them anyway. He steps out onto the stage with the band and heads straight into 'We're So Starving' and 'This Green Gentleman' before they make their introductions. 

'Hello, we're Panic At The Disco, thank you for coming out this evening. I’m Brendon, and it’s lovely to meet you all.'  
'I'm Ryan. I play guitar.'  
'I'm Jon. I play bass.'  
the 'And our friend up there on the drums is Spencer, but he doesn't have a microphone.' Brendon keeps the conversation flowing, giving Spencer a chance to slow his heartbeat and not panic (pun SO not intended).

'Uh-oh. If he doesn't have a mic, how's he supposed to talk to all of you lovely folks? Carrier pigeon, smoke signals?' Ryan smiled, winking at the drummer.  
'Fuck off, Ryro.' Every head in the crowd turns to Jon, who's busy watching Spencer. The Jon Walker they all know and love would never swear at Ryan on stage, or call him ‘Ryro’. Even Brendon pretends to look shocked.  
'I-it wasn't me!' Jon tries to play along, remembering the script.  
'Sounded like you.' Ryan is enjoying this a little too much.  
'It was Spencer!' He points to where Spencer is smirking like his teenaged sisters on the drum platform, arms crossed and everything.

'Sure, sure, blame it on the kid who can't talk. (I mean that literally by the way).' Brendon bites, but there's no venom there. Just hisses of 'Spencer!' and 'Oh my god!' and 'What's wrong with him?!' from people in the crowd.  
'It's okay, folks, just a little touch of gonorrhoea.' Ryan's smirk matched Spencer's from before.  
'On a more serious note though, Spencer does have an announcement to make and I don't know what it is, but he says it's important, so get out your cell phones. Spencer?' Spencer stands up behind his kit, heart thumping and palms sweating, and smiles at Jon before he starts.

Spencer is talking, but there's absolutely no sound, so he makes a pointed remark.  
'Oh, sh-sorry!' Brendon says backtracking to the start of Spencer's speech as a spotlight gets put on the drum platform. 'Let's start that again. He said  
I'm Spencer, and you all know Brendon. He's going to interpret for me. Any second now, he'll remember that he's supposed to actually speak.' Ryan, Jon, and half the crowd laugh just then, and Spencer joins in, thankful for once that he doesn't have a mic.

'So, now that my terp is interpreting,' Spencer joked, 'I want to let you in on a little secret. We know there was a big gap between albums, and I want you to know that it was totally my fault. After the last tour ended for 'fever', something happened. I woke up one day and now I can’t really talk. A bunch of noise comes out but I can’t say any words.’ He tried to shrug like it didn’t matter.  
'It took a lot of getting used to at first, and I tried to quit the band so they could find someone who was easier to work with, but then they told me that I was hard to work with anyway so it didn't make a difference.' He paused for comedic effect 'No, they didn't say that, what they said was 'we'll find a way around it' and they did. We learned ASL, or American Sign Language, so I could stop scribbling on napkins or texting the person sitting next to me. Then we got on with it and made 'Pretty. Odd' which is the real reason we're all here tonight. Who wants to hear some music?' The crowd roared and they kicked into 'Pas de Cheval'. Ryan dropped his guitar.

'Wait, wait, wait. We forgot something. There's this little line Spencer plays-' He tapped it out on his kit, a 2-second beat '-that means he wants to talk and no-one's watching him. So if you hear that, what comes next is Spencer, even though it's not his voice. We'll make sure he's lit up, too, so you can see that it's him, but remember that beat.' Spencer counted them in with his sticks above his head.  
'1, 2. 1, 2, 3, 4.' 

***

It's June when Spencer finally snaps. There's just one comment too many during some stage banter one night after Ryan completely misses something Spencer says, misunderstanding some signs and losing context again. He slams out the beat, now known as 'Spencer wants to speak' and stands up. 

'Can someone film this?' Shane steps up and crouches on the stage, trying to catch sight of both Spencer and Brendon in the shot. He doesn't miss the sea of cell-phones being held up.  
'So, there's something important I want to say, and Jon's going to interpret.'  
'Gee, thanks, Spence, I feel special.' Brendon quips sarcastically. He’s only kidding though, he’s not really hurt and he winks at Spencer to let him know. Shane re-adjusts his position. 

'So I've been hearing some of you talk a lot of shit on my friends. Ryan missed a joke? Big deal. Brendon forgets to talk? Who cares? Jon can't sign? Do I look bothered? You don't seem to know me or these guys very well, so I'm going to tell you a little bit about us: I really, really love them.  
Ryan misses a lot of jokes. He misses important information and pointless conversation. His read back absolutely sucks, and he doesn't always understand what I'm saying, so I spend a lot of time spelling things out.'  
'Aww, gee, Spence, I love you too.'  
'But he's taken more classes, and read more books, and studies more than the rest of us put together. In fact, he was the one who came up with the idea when it became obvious that I wasn't getting better, and all of the other options really just sucked. Like, he gave me a language! Can you even believe that? 

Brendon forgets to talk, like all the time. I've had some awkward conversations because I'm relying on him to speak for me and he's just smiling and nodding.'  
'Yeah, that was a fun label meeting.'  
'He signs all the time though, even though I can hear and don’t need it. So I asked him why and he says, what did you say?'  
'Everyone deserves someone who speaks their language.' Brendon signs, proving the point by forgetting to speak (so Jon interprets for him, too), and he shrugs like it's no big deal. 'Seemed like a no-brainer to me.' The crowd 'aww'd.  
'I didn't realize until then that anyone noticed how isolated I felt, especially when people who can sign speak to me in English and then forget and turn away so I can’t talk. I didn't even need to tell him, and here he is, trying to fix it.' Spencer sits down in front of his kit, dangling his legs over the edge of the platform.

'Jon, Brendon's going to interpret now, unless you want to talk about yourself.'  
'Oh! Nope. No thank you, no.' Came Jon's quick reply. It was still strange to hear the one voice speaking both sides of a conversation.  
'Didn't think so. Jon, to be honest, can't sign worth a damn. He can do like, 4: 'pot', 'booze', 'sex', and 'sleep'. And everyone knows 'I love you' so that doesn't even count.'  
'I can't argue with that, because it's actually true. I signed 'I love you' to Dylan and she bit me. Even my cat thinks I suck.'  
'But his read back is incredible. He knows what I'm going to say before I've even finished saying it. I never have to worry that I'll be left out of conversations because no one understands me or I can't keep up. When I'm with Jon it's like nothing has changed and I still have a voice.' Spencer jumps down and walks up stage to Brendon, waving Jon and Ryan over.

'I can never properly thank them for what they've done for me. They gave me a language to speak, a voice to speak with, and they speak my language so I'm never alone. They could have just replaced me with a drummer who can talk, but they adapted for me and I love them so much...' Spencer trailed off, blinking tears out of his eyes.  
'We love you too, Spencer Smith.' Brendon throws up an ‘I love you' as well before putting his arms around Spencer.  
'Yeah, we love you man.' Ryan takes his turn to clap Spencer on the back, and Spencer holds on tight.  
Jon points to himself, folds his arms across his chest, points to Spencer, and then holds up his hand, palm facing left, thumb and pinky out and shakes it back and forth. He was saving that for another couple nights until their actual anniversary but the moment felt right. Spencer smiled and pulled him into the hug. They have their moment, wipe their eyes, and separate back to their places. 

'So, stop talking shit, okay?' He counts them into 'Nine in the Afternoon'.  
'1, 2. 1, 2, 3, 4.'

***

That night in June, a thought occurred to Spencer. He took it and ran, working on his plan only in secret with no-one around. Finally, on the last night of the tour, 2 years after he and Jon officially became a thing, it was time. He patted the small box in his pocket after every song, worried that he’d lose it and the whole plan would be ruined.  
He played ‘Spencer wants to speak’ before the closer, ‘Mad As Rabbits’, and indicated that it was Brendon’s turn to interpret. He couldn’t have Jon talking for him right now.  
‘Tonight marks a special occasion.’ Spencer begins. ‘It’s 2 years tonight since Jon officially became a member of this band and I’ve never been happier. No matter how much losing our first bassist sucked, I can’t bring myself to regret anything that brought him to us, to me.’ He jumps down off the platform and walks slowly towards Jon, pausing midway to take a note from his pocket and hand it to Brendon. He isn’t sure he can sign it all right, but he’s wrote it the way Jon should hear it. 

‘I still remember the coffee run that we called our first date. I kept the cardboard sleeves with the fake names, and I had them pinned to the bunk. Andy, Pete, if you guys are watching this on the internet, there’s some kids in a Starbucks who think that we’re you.’ He and Jon chuckled at the memory.  
‘You make me feel so special, like when we’re together, I’m the only thing that matters, but the truth is, you kind of are. You are kind, and supportive and incredibly loving, and you give me a voice, even sometimes at the expense of your own. You never make me feel like I have to be anything other than exactly who I am, even when I’m at my worst, but you still make me better every single day. Kinder, more patient, and you’ve shown me how to love. I want to go to bed with you every night, and wake up with you every morning. I want to spend each and every day with you until the day that I die. I love you so, so much.’ Spencer dropped to his knee and opened the ring box.  
‘Jonathan Jacob Walker, will you marry me?’

Jon is nodding, signing ‘yes’, his other hand covering his mouth. There are tears in his eyes as he says ‘Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you. Yes!’ Spencer grins from ear to ear and stands up to wrap his arms around Jon’s waist and spin him around before planting one right on his mouth. He loves that he can do this in public now. 

He pulls back enough to slur out ‘I love you’, with great difficulty and painfully slowly. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth and it’s not going where it should. It’s the best he can do, but it doesn’t sound right. Jon gazes back at him with misty eyes, and Spencer’s heart breaks as he realizes Jon hasn’t understood a word. Worse still, they’re standing right by Jon’s mic, and the whole venue heard him! He buries his face in Jon’s t-shirt, regretting never saying the words when he could still talk.

‘Did you just, baby, were you talking?’ Spencer nods against the fabric. ‘Say it again, Spencer. I want to hear you say that again.’ Jon begs into his ear and winds his fingers into Spencer’s long hair as he’s shaking his head. ‘I heard you baby. I heard you, and I understood.’ Spencer’s never looked up so fast, and both he and Jon are crying (for entirely different reasons) and Jon’s nodding his head, saying ‘I heard you say you love me and I love you too.’

“The crowd goes wild” is an overused expression, but was in this case, entirely true. If it were possible, they would have actually taken the roof off the place. Out of nowhere, (almost as if Spencer had planned it) Ryan plays a tune, something he saw them dancing to once and they waltz around the stage, heads thrown back and laughing as Jon takes the lead. As the notes die out, and the crowd settles, they take their places after one more kiss. 

For the final time, Spencer counts them in.  
‘1, 2. 1, 2, 3, 4.’ 

 

FIN


End file.
